My birthday is today. Reflecting back on the year there have been more down than ups. Failing mental health, a proper diagnosis, and a rocky reconstruction took up most of the year. This includes failed relationships and loneliness becoming my only friend while on a promising road to recovery.I can’t stand the lonely energy, or lack of energy that loneliness brings. I don’t think a person is supposed to endure the solitude I’m experiencing. I’m fortunate to have the best friends that I have, but they can’t be here every second of the day; our time together is beyond limited. I need to meet new people to fulfill my day-to-day social needs. I’m a fan of lists, so I’ve put together a list of positives that I want in friendship this year.
The likeminded people that I fall in friend love with must connect with and love me for the following:
- Sabrina the Teenage Witch marathons.
- A love for Clueless, 10 Things I Hate About You, Never Been Kissed, She’s All That and Can’t Hardly Wait.
- Discussions about Marilyn Monroe and Bettie Paige.
- My Jack White obsession.
- The punk rock that runs through my veins.
- All things pro-wrestling.
- Deathrock, Goth, and Industrial bands.
- Holding my hand while listening to boy bands sing.
- Deep film conversations.
- Spooky things. Spooky movies. Spooky people. Spooky books. Spooky music.
- A love for music that’s deeply rooted to your soul.
- John Waters movies.
- An understanding and acceptance of bipolar disorder and the behavior disorders that can come with it. And an understanding that I work on them daily.
- The Simpsons and 30 Rock references.
The list could be a lot longer. But I thought I’d start with my foundation, my Manda essentials. I’ve pushed and driven a lot of people away before my diagnosis, people that I feel would still be here as great friends if it wasn’t for me unintentionally starting massive fires. But may the bridges I’ve burned light my way. I’m hoping my path lights me towards friendship done the right way this time around. I hope this year will be one of new, interesting, and positive relationships. I think I’m ready to start moving forward in that direction.